The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
