my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
