He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
