Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
