my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
