Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
