I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
