We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
