Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
