Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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