Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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