even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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