I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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