too bad you live with your parents still
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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