Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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