Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
