Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize