dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
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I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
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Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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