i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
