No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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