Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
