i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
