Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
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Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
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Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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