Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
