He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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