oh god the rape fog is back!
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
