Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
