And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
