Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
