can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
