I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I have aggressive nipples.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
