I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
