I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
