I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
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He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
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I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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