Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
