I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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