Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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