In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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