We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize