yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
