we have officially lost it.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
