I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
