i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
