All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
