Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
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You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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