College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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