Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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