so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
