Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
