hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
