And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
