After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
