I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
