I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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