Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
