If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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