I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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