How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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