im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
