if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
