Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
