he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
