someone get that fucking seahorse.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
