If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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