do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
