I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
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Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
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