dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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