Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
