Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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