So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
