I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just forgot I was standing up.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
