You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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