So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
