Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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