Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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