so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
