did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
home. puking in laundry basket.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
