I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
