dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
