it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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